Birthday parties and ASD can be a total nightmare, first there is the invites
They come in 2 basic categories
- Those that don’t invite your kid because they think that they won’t want to come and therefore take that choice away from you and your little one
- Those that invite your little one
The majority of times its the first, people don’t invite your kid to parties, sometimes its because they view him/her as the naughty kid and don’t really realise that its not naughtiness, sometimes its because your kids not so good at socialising and the parent of the child actually doesn’t know about your kid, sometimes its because they simply don’t want to have to cater for a child that is different.
I saw an instance in one of the facebook groups that I am a member of where a Mum was given and invite for her child and then told by the parent that it wasn’t suitable for him, surely that is the decision of the child not of the person doing the inviting?
During my sons reception year he was invited to a good few parties as all of the children turned 5, We tried a few of them and it soon became obvious which ones he could cope with and enjoyed and which ones he didn’t, he worked it out for himself and now if we get an invite I tell him where it is and what it is going to be doing and let him tell me what he wants to do.
The following things are a huge No!
- Loud Music – any kind of disco
- Party Games
- Party Food
- Football Parties
- Church Halls
- Fancy Dress
The following are things that he has enjoyed
- Any sort of bouncy castle party
- Play Centres
- Soft Play
We usually leave when they start to do the food as he cannot cope with it, and for that reason I will tell someone that if they are paying for food at a play centre that he won’t stay for that but would love to come and play for a bit.
His friend from school had a party at a pub, which was just a glorified church hall really, but they got a bouncy castle in the garden and did the cake before the food so that my lad could take his party bag once the food started and leave.
I have a little panic everytime he gets invited to a party, but these invites are much less now that he is older and I think people have stopped inviting to everything, I know he wasn’t invited to one that he has been the last couple of years this year, but it definitely happened. I try not to take these things personally, kids grow up, maybe they don’t play together anymore.
But we have got a way of dealing with it now, by sitting with him and asking him what he wants to do and being honest with the parent of the child that is inviting him we can usually do the right thing for him.
What are you party experiences? My lad is little (6) do you have older kids? How do they deal with it?